Dating after emotional abuse

We need to not have to be responsible for someone else’s welfare or self esteem or happiness for a while before taking the plunge into a new relationship.We need to take care of ourselves and find out who we are–whether that means going to therapy, writing a journal, turning that journal into a public spectacle like a blog or video diary, taking up martial arts, yoga, or finding God. Jumping into any new relationship–even with a non-narc–when you’re this vulnerable is almost guaranteed to fail and retard you in your self growth, and if you’ve been attracted to another narcissistic abuser (which is common in codependent, PTSD and Borderline women), you may wind up much worse when all is said and done. Narcs need their narcissistic supply; we codependents need our narcs.Here are seven unspoken (or rarely spoken) truths about the unique challenges survivors face 1. After you’re out and the past abuse is out in the open, you are forced to acknowledge it instead of pretending, at least on some level, that it wasn’t happening.This requires you to integrate the awful things that happened to you into who you are, without letting them define you.Now that the confines that the outer shell placed on me have been removed I refuse to ever hide behind a disguise ever again . I am going out into the world with a whole new set of rules . Recovery from an emotional breakdown has made me want to be a better person, it has encouraged me to learn and to work on myself .It has taught me to look within myself and think about my emotions and it has also given me the incentive to overcome my past .These people who in one breath were telling me that they loved me and then with the next were tearing me to pieces . So because of this I spent many years living trapped in a cycle of self-sabotage and self-harm.It went on for years, they told me I needed to be thinner so I starved myself, they told me that I was stupid so I tried to learn .

But after the external danger is gone, and the abuser is (at least physically) out of the picture, the survivor’s internal journey is only beginning.

This is an excellent site for men , but only women seem to frequent it.

I am a 45-year old man who finalized an 18 month separation/divorce a year ago.

I spent my whole relationship hoping my wife would “grow up” and had no understanding of BPD and its impact.

What I got from the relationship was adoration, but not love and I mistakenly confused the two as the same thing for many years.

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This is one reason it takes the average survivor of intimate partner violence seven times to leave for good.

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